I’m Really a Superstar

The studio\'s atmosphere was getting hyped up.

On stage, the crosstalk performance was still ongoing.

Zhang Ye looked at the audience and said, "There are people who doubt us and criticize us, both of which we can understand why. Any form of art style will find it impossible to appeal to everyone. Some of those who say that they like Zhang Ye\'s crosstalk, those people aren\'t wrong. While others who say that they dislike Zhang Ye\'s crosstalk, they aren\'t wrong either, but if the second group of people continues to insist that they are more elegant than the first type, then they are making a big mistake!"

Bba Bba Bba!

"Great!"

"Well said!"

The audience clapped loudly.

Zhang Ye added on, "That is also the reason why they are always considered \'2nd\'-rate."

"Hahaha!" the audience laughed.

Zhang Ye said, "Art is not something that can be classified as high class or low class."

Yao Jiancai nodded in agreement, "You\'re right."

Zhang Ye said, "Elegance might exist, or not, but vulgarity is something none of us can escape from."

"Can you explain?" Yao Jiancai asked.

Zhang Ye said, "It\'s easy to understand. For example, oil paintings, operas, or ballet... would you die if you don\'t view or watch those? You wouldn\'t die. Life would still carry on as usual, but to leave behind vulgarity, you would surely die. A garlic is vulgar? I don\'t believe that you can stir fry eggplant without adding garlic! Or are you going to use coffee in its place?"

Yao Jiancai laughed, "Have you ever heard of using coffee to stir fry vegetables?"

Zhang Ye said, "Shit, pee, farts are vulgar? If you are so capable, then don\'t ever go to the toilet in your lifetime!"

Yao Jiancai said, "Heh, then surely they would die from constipation!"

Everyone roared with laughter!

Zhang Ye tilted his head a little, "Isn\'t that true?"

Yao Jiancai nodded, "That is the truth."

Zhang Ye continued on with more momentum as the audience\'s mood heightened. He was letting loose his inhibitions as he said, "Some people scold me saying that I do not understand what crosstalk is about and accuse me of insulting this art form. Teacher Yao and I are different, he can be considered as a professional crosstalk actor and learned about it since he was young. I did not. Those who know me will know that I am in the profession of broadcast hosting. That is what I did for a living, so if we compare me to all those other competitors in this competition, then I am really considered as a layman, but even for a layman, if you accuse me of not knowing what crosstalk is, then that is unacceptable. If you say that about me, I will definitely bring it up to you!"

Layman?

But a layman who understands crosstalk?

Yao Jiancai asked puzzledly, "What do you mean?"

Zhang Ye looked at everyone and said, "I don\'t know what and where those people who are scolding me are coming from, but what exactly would you call understanding crosstalk? How would you know whether or not someone understands what crosstalk is really about?"

From the area where the hundred teams were seated, someone suddenly shouted, "Speed recital!"

At this moment, no one in the audience made a sound. Instead, it was all the other competitors who started to make a scene.

"Show us one!"

"Yea, do a speed recital for us!"

"That is one of the basics of crosstalk!"

"Since Teacher Zhang claims to know what crosstalk is about, you should show us what you can do!"

The crosstalk competitors who suggested that, were all harboring their own motives. What was a speed recital? It simply meant reciting a string of complex words and vocabulary inserted into a storyline in a continuous breath. In traditional crosstalk, they were often used as joke segments. This was no longer a question of it being a difficult task, as speed recitals were usually practiced and honed from a young age. Those who started learning crosstalk at an older age might not even be able to do it with several years of practice. Even for those who began from a young age and trained under a master, many of them might still find it difficult to do well. It takes a lot of concentration and they would easily commit mistakes or be slow in their recitation! That is the reason why speed recitals were considered to be difficult even for professional crosstalk actors, not to mention a layman.

The audience naturally knew this as well.

"Speed recital?"

"Damn, this bunch of people are messing around again!"

"Teacher Zhang, don\'t bother about them!"

This bunch of competitors who couldn\'t match Zhang Ye\'s abilities in crosstalking were riding on the wave of disgruntlement of the crosstalk world in calling for Zhang Ye\'s disqualification from the competition. This had already pretty much disappointed the audience, but at the studio, the same people were once again trying to cause Zhang Ye\'s downfall. Many of the audience members were getting angry and felt that those people were really ungrateful. Their abilities were not as good as Zhang Ye\'s and now they were trying to create trouble for him!?

Yao Jiancai pretended not to hear it. Speed recital? Even he could not do it. Perhaps if he tried, he could speed recite a small portion. As a supporting actor, he did not learn much about speed recitals. Rather than trying to help Zhang Ye out, he decided it would be better to just ignore their clamor.

But Zhang Ye did not ignore them, "Speed recital?"

"That\'s right!"

"Right!"

"If you are capable, show us one!"

The other competitors did not know that they were in a live broadcast at the moment. Thinking that the cameras were not switched to recording mode, they did not hold back at all. Earlier, they were bearing the brunt of Zhang Ye\'s scolding and keeping silent, but now was the time for them to gain back some face! We can\'t outscold you? Fine, then let\'s decide it with a clash of abilities. A crosstalk actor\'s basic skills were honed over a decade or two. They wouldn\'t believe that Zhang Ye would be able to do a good speed recital, as even among rookies like themselves, only a handful could do it well!

Zhang Ye smiled, "Oh, so in your eyes, a person who can do speed recitals is someone who understands crosstalk?"

Yao Jiancai made a pass at him.

But Zhang Ye acted like he did not notice it, "Sure then, since there are so many people here today, I believe everyone is also anticipating something? Then, I will do one for all of you here. Is everyone willing to listen or are you all willing to listen?"

Yao Jiancai said, "There\'s only a choice of willing to listen?"

Tang Dazhang was stunned for a bit.

The other crosstalk actors were also slightly befuddled.

What did he mean by that? That Zhang guy was really going to do it? Does he even know how?!

When the audience realized what was going on, they were momentarily shocked. What? Does Teacher Zhang really f**king know how to do a speed recital? It can\'t be! They were beginning to have some expectations now!

Zhang Ye smiled, "What does everyone want to hear?"

A female audience shouted, "\'The Imperial Feast List\'!"

This speed recital had been performed by Zhang Ye before on his talk show, albeit it being a shorter version. He had simply recited the names of a few dishes back then and those who had seen that episode of the talk show probably thought that Zhang Ye only knew the beginning portion of it. When he heard the request, Zhang Ye smiled and began reciting:

"I\'ll treat you to steamed lamb, steamed bear\'s paw, steamed deer\'s tail, roast duck, roast hen, roast green goose, stewed pig, stewed chicken, preserved ham, preserved egg, dried ham, sausage, assorted vegetables, smoked chicken with tripe, steamed pig with eight treasures, ducked brewed with glutinous rice, pot-braised pheasant, pot-braised quail, simmered chicken giblets in brine, simmered goose in brine, simmered prawns, braised shrimps, soy shelled shrimps, pheasant, dried hare meat, chives dumplings, whitebait, steamed wood frog, braised duck kidney, braised duck slices, cold dish with duck slices, stir-fried cattle aorta, braised white eel, braised finless eel, dace with black bean, pan-braised dace, stewed soft-shelled turtle, pan-braised Cyprinidae, stir-fried carp, soft-fried pork tenderloin, soft-fried chicken, assorted intestine in intestine, crisp rolls with pepper, quick-fried mushroom, quick-fried fish paste, quick-fried fish slices, quick-fried fish maw, Sautéed meat slices in vinegar sauce, braised white mushroom, braised three delicacies, stir-fried whitebait, braised sea eel, stir-fried white prawn, fried clams, stir-fried fish-like dough, stir-fried bamboo shoot, hibiscus jelly, stir-fried liver, southern stir-fried liver, stir-fried bamboo shoot with sirloin...."

When this large amount of dish names were recited, their fellow competitors were stunned!

Tang Dazhang, Xu Wenxiang, and the other crosstalk artists also looked at one another in surprise!

No one could have expected Zhang Ye to start without even thinking. He did not even bat an eyelid as the words rolled off his tongue without needing to stop for a breath. When compared to a professional crosstalk actor\'s speed recital, Zhang Ye had even done it faster and smoother than them!

The speed of his recital was like a speeding vehicle!

Zhang Ye continued, "......Red meatballs, white meatballs, quick-fried meatballs, deep-fried meatballs, three delicacies meatballs, four happiness meatballs, Southern style meatballs onion meatballs, Su style meatballs, bean curd meatballs, stewed red meat, stewed white meat, pork stew, fatty pork, roast pork, pork in sauce, pork wrapped in lotus leaf, first class meat, cherry meat, Maya meat, Yuanbao meat, Fulu meat, red pork elbow, white pork elbow, crystal pork elbow, honey pork elbow, pork elbow stew, pulled pork elbow, steamed mutton, roasted mutton, five-spiced mutton, mutton in sauce, assorted boiled meat, assorted stirred-fried meat, braised assorted meat, simmered duck innards, three delicacies shark\'s fin, chestnut chicken, steamed live carp, salted duck meat, spring chicken!"

He had finished reciting!

Not a single dish name was missed out on!

The audience were still checking if he had gotten them all and were stunned to realize that he did not miss a single one!

Even his partner, Yao Jiancai could only look at him while looking a little confused. He did not know that Zhang Ye even had such talents. F**k, he could even do speed recitals? Not only could he do it, he even did it better than most professionals? That\'s impossible! When did this kid learn how to do this!

Actually, Zhang Ye did not need to learn it. With the memory search capsule, he had already memorized all the joke segments and speed recitals that he knew of. Being a broadcast host, being able to do this was second nature to Zhang Ye. Even after he had finished reciting, he did not need to catch his breath and still looked rather relaxed.

Some crosstalk competitors, who still couldn\'t believe what they heard, challengingly shouted, "The Geographical Map!"

Zhang Ye began immediately at the next moment, "“Rushing to the Northern Pass, walking to Hebei Main Street, Red Bridge, Yang Village, Cai Village, Hexiwu, Anping, Harbor Quay, Zhangjia Turn, through Tongzhou Bali Bridge, into Beijing Chaoyangmenm, out at Beijing Deshengmen. Into the Qinghe, Shahe, Changping County, Nankou, Green Dragon Bridge, Kang Village, Huailai, Shacheng, Baoan, Lower Gardens, Xin Village, Xuanhuafu, Shalingzi, Yulin, Zhangjiakou, Chaigou Fort, Xiwan, Tian Town, Yanggao County, Jule Fort, Zhou Village, Datong, Gushan, Hongci Fort, Feng Town, Suji, Jining, Sanfenkou, Shibatai, Zuozi, Camp Sandao, Camp Qixia, Taoboqi...."

The audience was stunned once again!

But Zhang Ye was still not done, continuing like a speeding bullet this time, without losing his breath, "....walking into Qinhuangdao, Beidai River, Changli County, reaching Luanzhou, Guye, Kaiping to Tangshan. Lutai, Hangu, Tanggu, Xinhe 50th Street, Dongxin Village, Junliang City, Xinhe, Zhanggui Village, Second Cultural Palace, Qian Village, Dajiagu, Trolleybus Factory, Dawang Village. Past Liberation Bridge, Binjiang Way, Heping Road, Nanshi and finally reaching the Great Wall Movie Theatre!"

At this moment, a lot of the audience members stood up!

"Great!"

"Damn f**king great!"

"That was too awesome, Teacher Zhang!"

"You recited it too beautifully!"

The applause began to thunder throughout the studio into a deafening roar!

Translator Notes: Thank you for your support so far! Please continue to support IRAS by submitting a vote at Gravity Tales Vote Page. The top 3 novels at the end of the month will get a free sponsored chapter!