The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

“My plants will tear you apart!”

Staggering, the gray-colored zombies inched forward. With a Gargantuar serving as the tank in front, a dense congregation of an army of zombies followed closely behind it.

On the opposite side, shrouded in fog, Peashooters popped out from the ground abruptly one after another and spat shiny green pea bullets furiously at the zombies. A raging Melon-pult catapulted explosive watermelons one after another. As the watermelons exploded, fatal shock waves gushed outward into the surroundings and mushroom smoke clouds appeared above them.

Lacking the support they usually received as close-ranged fighters, the zombie army could only trudge forward slowly while tanking the rain of ammunition. Even though they had suffered great losses in the midst of their advance, a massive number of them still remained, making them fearsome adversaries.

When the two armies came into contact with each other, an intense battle broke out between them.

When the zombies collided with the Wall-nuts, a brownish-gray Boomer exploded itself. Green and gray poisonous clouds rose up ceaselessly, and all plants that came into contact with the venomous liquid and gas rapidly withered and died. A no man’s land swiftly emerged on the battlefield.

As for the plants, despite being immobile due to their roots, they, who were able to absorb energy from the earth, possessed unlimited ammunition. Although they weren’t able to maintain nonchalant in the face of death, unlike the brainless zombies, at the very least, when their frontliners were sacrificing their lives to block the opponents, they were able to use their unlimited firepower to bury their opponents.

Soon, due to the overwhelming firepower, an opening appeared in the formation of the zombies and the plants began to counterattack.

“Will of Death! The speed of all members of the Undead Tribe is boosted!”

Upon realizing that the zombie army was in bad position, a certain mastermind behind the shadows expended the final Army Command he possessed.

When the black fog started to creep over, the zombies frenetically increased their speed. Furthermore, what was boosted for those zombies wasn’t just their speed. On a rampage, they began to dig out their intestines to throw it on their opponents.

“The Protection of the Forest and Sun! For thirty minutes, the attack speed and HP of all plants will be doubled.”

When the command was passed down, the interval between bullets of the Peashooters reduced to the point that it shot out in a continuous stream and the sound of explosions echoed ceaselessly on the frontlines.

Facing the frenzied bombardments of the plants, the zombie army could only helplessly trudge forward while sacrificing the ones in front of them. When newly born Cherry Bombs jumping out one after another to destroy the main army of the zombies, the frenetic zombies no longer possessed the might to break through the firepower of the plants.

Thus, I could only watch helplessly as my remaining zombies died under the bombardment and I fell in defeat helplessly.

“The victor, Great Mage Amelia!”

With the scattering of the radiance, the battlefield morphed back into the shape of a massive chessboard. The zombie chess pieces were dull and unlit whereas the plant pieces on the opposite end were shrouded in white radiance, seemingly ready to strike.

This was the currently most popular magic chess game—Zombies VS Plants. Naturally, the “inventor” and the manufacturer was me. The one we were playing wasn’t the usual game, but a true war edition which demanded a certain level of strength out of its players. The ones that were sold to the public were the normal editions which consisted of small chess pieces that were made of magic oak.

Just to add on, in less than a month, there were four different editions released. As such, the series had been labeled as the “Vampiric Money-sucking Master.”

“Sigh, this new version seems a little too imbalanced. Even though the zombies have the advantage in terms of quality, their winning rate is still way too low. On the other hand, the explosions of the plants are way too powerful, allowing it to whittle down the main force too easily. Looks like I have to do some balancing. Yeah, let’s cut the bombardment abilities of the Druid Faction in the next version!”

“Hah, losers sure know how to find excuses.”

“Or, why don’t we add two Bone Dragons and Liches to the Zombie Faction? However, that wouldn’t be zombies anymore, and it wouldn’t be considered as Zombies VS Plants 3 Sword and Magic Edition. Forget it, names are just like decency anyway, there is no meaning in it. Let’s just add it in the next edition.”

“Up to you, but based on the rules of balancing, in order to satisfy consumers, troops of equal level must be added to both factions. I will match your Lich with a Yggdrasil Tree and Bone Dragon with a Blood Bramble Wall. The one to win in the end will still be me.”

Amelia chuckled demurely. She was in love with the game because she was able to win against me frequently through it.

“However, will this really help me comprehend the profoundness of life and step into higher realms?”

After “inventing” this game along with me, she got absorbed in it instead. After which, we continued inventing Zombies VS Plants Tower Defense Edition, Zombies VS Plants King of Fighters Edition, Zombies VS Plants War of the Magic Beasts Edition and other money-sucking editions. After enjoying herself tremendously these last few days, she finally recalled her initial goal—Bringing her creation abilities to greater heights.

Facing this question of hers, I smiled.

“Of course… not! This is just a game. Alright, keep your man-eating plant, allow me to explain.”

“You… You scammer! You fooled me again! You toyed with my emotions again! I will never trust you ever again!”

After realizing that she had been fooled once more, the shrieking Amelia became hysteric. Manic blood tattoos flashed in her beautiful eyes, and her long smooth hair began to morph into plants. Vines grew frantically from the roots of her hair. The domain of the plants expanded and very soon, a real-life edition of the Zombies VS Plants was able to play out.

As the zombie who was about to be pummeled, I felt great pressure upon me.

However, I still had my trump card.

“I will split a tenth of the profits from the game with you.”

“That, how much is that?”

“This game is already a bestseller. As long as the pace of our manufacturing can keep up, adding up the total revenue from all of those editions, you would earn a few hundred thousand gold coins at minimum.”

Alright, in the next moment, everything calms down. That crazy witch from a moment ago appeared without a trace. All that was left was a gentle senior who was sipping quietly on her black tea in front of me.

It wasn’t that Amelia was greedy; rather, Mage was a job that burned through money. The more advanced a Mage was, the more money they spent. Of course, Mages were also able to sell the products of their experiments to earn a huge profit. However, putting aside how an experimenting freak like Amelia had zero financial sense, she didn’t even spend any effort on producing goods that could earn her profit. Even if she happened to make a fortune, she would immediately dump it into a new experiment. As such, she was exceptionally amiable to her investors. Now, upon hearing that she would be able to earn money, she immediately adopted the business facade she showed to her donors.

You say that I am mistaken? Should it be investors, not donors? Unfortunately, I am not mistaken. Given how she allocated her funds without any consideration of monetary rewards that could be reaped, one would make a loss equivalent to how much one invested. If this wasn’t a donor, then what was this?

According to Margaret, Amelia didn’t even have her laboratory now (It was taken away from her when she went bankrupt.). After which, it was rumored that she had embezzled funds from the Cloud Tower. Upon getting exposed, she was expelled from her position as a Truth Overseer. At this moment, the wages she earned as a teacher went to repaying her debts.

It was a wonder how she, as a SemiGod Mage, managed to land in such a state. In the field of investment, her reputation was so poor that she was unable to coax any donors to finance her despite her efforts. In the end, she could only grab her students to serve as laborers and engage in lucrative research to finance her research.

“Besides, this isn’t just a game. The functions of these plants should have given you quite a bit of inspiration. I do not believe that after these few days of war simulation, your ability to arrange the formation of your plant army and coordinate them as one has not improved. At the very least, it should have given you some inspiration in designing new plant troops.”

Amelia nodded her head. After all, what I said was true.

“Furthermore, at our level, it is a daunting task to advance even a single inch forward. Be patient. After all, I have already promised you. Have I ever broken my promise?”

After hearing me declare my trustworthiness, the teacup the senior held in her left hand was immediately crushed. Even though her right hand had caught the falling teacup in time, even though she still had a smile on her face, from the looks of her trembling arms and twitching eyelids, she seemed to be on the verge of a rampage once more.

“Junior, you sure dare to speak. Back then, who was the one who proposed for us not to be restricted by those dumb theories and we should dump them aside and explore the secrets of life together? I thought I had managed to find a hard-to-come-by soulmate, and I was overjoyed. Yet, in the blink of an eye, all of my research had disappeared without a trace and a letter of my misdeeds was sent to the Truth Symposium. I was almost exiled from the Cloud Tower.”

“Ah, did I do all those back then? I’m sorry, the damage reincarnation did to my memories was way too great so I can’t really remember it. Yeah, we should look to the future instead, let’s just forget those pointless things of the past. Right, how did you manage to settle the affair back then?”

Can’t remember? Of course that was a lie. Back then, this fellow had not a single shred of decency. It was so extreme that even I, who didn’t have much decency either, couldn’t stand watching on any longer. Who else should I do in if not for her? However, seeing her getting along fine now made me a little curious. Back then, I wrote a letter reporting that she was using her students and other living humans in her experiments to the Truth Symposium. There were at least five Truth Overseers on the spot when I reported it, so I was quite interested in how she managed to settle the matter.

“It’s nothing much. Back then, my teacher helped me suppress the matter temporarily. Then, I got rid of a Truth Overseer who was biting on my tail relentlessly and I replaced him in his seat. After which, I paid a small price to have the other Truth Overseers turn a blind eye to the matter. Dammit, if it wasn’t for the fact that I could only use those on the death row for my experiments, how could I possibly lag behind you! You were probably able to break through that boundary because you were able to obtain experimental subjects on the battlefield. Indeed, one should collect as much experimental subjects as they can! Hee hee, now that there aren’t any bothersome figures watching over my actions here…”

That hysterical laughter made my hair stand on end. I knew that she was the type to do as she said, so I hurriedly tried to persuade her otherwise. Of course, stopping her directly was impossible and she wasn’t the type to restrain herself because of others either.

“Do you have a suitable research topic at this moment? If we were to collect a large amount of experimental subjects, we would probably have to escape. Thus, going through all the trouble for an ordinary research topic is a big waste. In two years, there will be endless experimental subjects available for your choosing. Furthermore, compared to those fragile humans, the resilient Beastmen would serve as much better experimental subjects. So, let’s just tolerate it and work on some theoretical research within these two years first.”

Upon hearing my words, she stared at me blankly for a long time before replying.

“Indeed, you are the one who understands me the best. Whenever others hear me say such words, they will either start to chastise me severely or be terror-stricken. Those fools are unable to understand how honorable their sacrifices are to be able to contribute to my research of the truth.”

“You are too soft-hearted to be conversing with your experimental subjects. Normally, I just seal their mouths and throw them onto the experimentation platform. After a few muffled screams, they go completely silent.”

“Indeed, after all, I am a woman. I get too soft-hearted too easily. Previously, there was a death prisoner who insulted me nastily. In order to prevent him from dying from the pain, I even applied anaesthesia on him in advance before dissecting him. The cost of the anaesthesia was enough to trade for a bag of new seeds, you know!”

Hearing those words, even though I was going along with her to cajole her, I found it hard to continue. By saying that she was soft-hearted despite dissecting him alive, wasn’t she afraid of getting punished by the heavens? It seemed like she was still a dangerous figure who viewed others as mere livestock, and that I was still overestimating her decency and restraint.

“Cough cough, let’s put aside the topic of experimentation. Let’s contemplate how we should earn more money to finance our experimentation. Do you think we need to make some changes to this ‘Zombies VS Plants—Sword and Magic Edition’ before introducing it to the market?

“Actually, I think that we could change our marketing strategy. It is foolish for us to sell all of the chess pieces and chessboard together when we can sell them separately.”

“Hmm? But if the chess set isn’t complete, won’t they be unable to play the game? If so, will the consumers still be willing to purchase it?”

“You fool, you can just put the basic chess pieces and the most primitive chess board inside the set. If they want stronger and unique chess pieces, they have to purchase them. Of course, those stronger chess pieces mustn’t break the balance of the game. As long as they have a slightly more unique outer appearance and abilities, they could be sold for money. Right, since the original set is called the Basic Set, then let’s call this the Expansion Package! Also, we could add some elements of lottery into it. In every pack, there would be a unique chess piece. They will be trying their luck time after time again until they find themselves bankrupt and swear to never to touch it again. In order to appeal to the younger players, you can even give rarity levels to the chess pieces. The more valuable a chess piece is, the more one is able to brag about it. I don’t believe that after going this far, we are still unable to empty the pockets of those little kids!”

“Ohhhhhhh, my impression of you have improved. You are truly talented in marketing. Indeed, those rumors that you aren’t capable in management are lies.”

“Hmph, it must be Margaret badmouthing me again. It’s not like I am unskilled in managing businesses, it’s just that I don’t care to do so. Besides, this is also how I coax sponsors to invest on me. Selling the results of a research in different batches and to different people every time, this is the way to make a killing!”

Looking at that gleeful, degenerate Mage, I finally understood why, despite her incredible capabilities, her name in the investment field was horrid. If you just scam others once, it was still possible to regain their trust. However, if you scammed a few thousand people over a course of two hundred years, a person would truly be foolish to approach you and invest on you.

“Very despicable, but I like it! Let’s make a killing together!”

If such actions were aimed at milking money out of a minority, it would definitely cause an outrage among the public. However, given that it seemed like an attempt to venture into uncharted waters instead, there was no reason for me to give up such great innovation.

“As expected, you are my soulmate.”

Alright, let’s ignore how the sinister laughter of the accomplices frightened many of little children passing us by and how this ‘Zombies VS Plants—Sword and Magic Edition’ was cursed and sworn at by others while being a bestseller. The main reason why I created this game wasn’t just for money.

“One more round! One more round! This time the zombies will win for sure!”

“Mummy, I want one as well. Buy one set for me!”

“Oh, Undead don’t seem to be as scary as I thought. They aren’t even able to defeat plants!”

At this moment, we were currently playing in an empty field and crowds were surrounding us to spectate our duel. Our simplified version of Zombies VS Plants was already selling like hotcakes, and the audience wasn’t satisfied with just watching a single battle. The passionate crowd demanded for us to play another round and thus, after chatting for awhile, we began another round.

“I’ve heard that the East Mist Communal Country’s national religion is the God of Law. As long as they do not commit crimes, even Demons and Undead are accepted among their ranks. It’s rumored that even Druids have established their own academy there. I have also heard that Necromancers were advertising and selling their products by the side of the streets. Perhaps the rumors are really true…. Will they accept hybrids too? I’ve heard that Diffindor had recently set up many advanced institutions for all kinds of experts to change their jobs. Perhaps we could send our third child there to study.”

Earning money was just an additional benefit. The reason why I chose to display Necromancy in a form acceptable with the public was to allow those of the Sharal Autonomous Region to understand and accept East Mist’s changes. This was also the main goal of my journey here.

“Diffindor has established all kinds of institutions and is currently recruiting students. We provide professional training for Druids, Engineers, Alchemists, Necromancers, Justice Knights, and other battle-oriented classes. There are only limited places, so if you want to change your fate, do not pass this opportunity by. Quickly apply! We have an information pamphlet for new students here.”

The shoutings of the admission staff members who I had brought here had earned the attention of the bystanders. There were already a few who were willing to head to East Mist to take a look. Eventually, an onlooker watching at the sight from the shadows could endure no longer and walked out.

“Prince Roland, Lord Gagalol invites you over for a conversation. These are his exact words: ‘We have already felt your sincerity, so it’s perhaps time for us to discuss an alliance.’”

After receiving the cold shoulder for a week, on the third day of our advertising, I finally received a formal invitation from Sharal’s Lord. Looked like it was time for a negotiation.